“Because,
I want to stop gasping and start breathing.
I want to stop running and start walking.
I want to stop humming and start singing.
I want to stop preparing and start
breathing-Life.”
-Me
Having studied in 8 different
education institutes, I’ve been through it all, experienced it all. From the
worst to the best and back, like a pendulum swinging back and forth. Each new
place was a new chapter to my life book. A new layer to unfold. A new ‘ME’ was
born. A singer , a dancer, an orator, a sportsman, a painter, debator,follower,skater,
swimmer, sprinter,leader, a looser. From being a everybody to nobody. I’ve been
it all, sometimes a MISS POPULAR, sometimes a MISS INVISIBLE. From being a
school-leader to a one-man-army, each new place gave me a choice. And I choose
what became of me...because I wanted a taste of it all, like a crazy child left
free in a room full of ice creams ,colours n dreams to be fulfilled(though I
was never a great fan of ice-creams .)..
And
now ,years later as I sit here ,simply wondering(chumma :D ) what I really actually truly wanted from life, I found
myself laughing . I didn’t want any of those. I didn’t want to be a singer, dancer,
leader or any of those great things at all...I wanted the “Little things” in
life...
There is a greater truth
we realise with time- it is not the great nothings, but the little some things
that matter.....
I want those little “some things” in life:-
I wanted a walk on
the beach barefoot once in a while to feel the naughty sea tickling my feet and
the shy hot wet sand escape between my toes to hide under the water again.
I wanted to spend
an hour everyday night sky watching and trying to make stupid meaningless
patterns out of those hide-and-seek playing stars.
I wanted to sing
along loudly and crazily (even outside my bathroom<laughs>) with a song
that played on the radio.
I wanted to still
be able to play a clever prank and never get caught.
I wanted to dance
till my feet could fly and get lost and in the rhythm and not be scared of
going wrong.
I wanted to go for
a walk in the rain and feel the tickle of the first drops slid down...or maybe
a scooter/bike ride perhaps... ;)
I wanted to go for
a long drive through a new road, get lost and re-discover.
I wanted to just
get into some random bus and go for an unplanned unannounced trip (with my
mobile switched off...)
I wanted to share
a cup of hot brewing lime tea with someone special on an icy-cold day (while my
spec’s glass covers itself with the foggy combination of hot and cold).
I wanted to write , read and laugh till I could
die(and I’m pretty sure that’s exactly how I’m going to die. Laughing).
I wanted to feel
the wind on my face and fly (impossible!!!).
I wanted to pose
for a series of crazy group photos without worrying about how my hair falls or
if I’m putting on the best non-constipating smile...
I wanted not to be
too busy to see a pair of butterflies fluttering and dancing.
I wanted to still
notice the zillion shades of green on my every journey.
I wanted to still
notice my lucky bird, and just believe deep inside that my day would be awesome
somehow.
I wanted time to
have a pillow fight once in a while (very often) with my children and husband (in future, of course).
I wanted to feel
the sand on my fingers (and not just the keyboard keys or phone) and build a
sand castle and then break it myself.
I wanted to feel the smell of the freshly
cut grass and the smell of summers first rain.
I wanted to fall on a sheet of
light green grass sprinkled with the morning dew.
I wanted a
peaceful dream-filled sleep every night.
I want to enjoy
the taste of a brain-freezing ice cream under a hot burning sky.
I want to drink
the air from a LAYS packet (which I always find tastier than the contents
inside).
I want to watch
the sunset n the colours mix and fading in that never ending horizon.
And I wanted a
life that gave me time to enjoy all the above little some things.
All these little things were always
there, but maybe I was too busy to notice. And every time I did notice, I was
too busy preparing myself to enjoy it .Later (hopefully). And then I looked at
myself- catching a namesake meal (for me) and having a namesake bath (for other),
running around everywhere. I had actually forgotten how to walk. I had
absolutely no clue what the color of my room was or the things I saw everyday
on my way. I had fixed my focus on that god-knows-what, that I had turned a
blind-eye to the things on the way. And hitting the bed at 2 or 3 am (so that I’ll
still be alive), and then again getting up and the same old story again....damn!!
This is not what I wanted. So not what I planned for. “It’s not the destination that matters, it’s the journey”.
All throughout my school life, I
kept postponing, calculating and measuring for the never-coming-tomorrow. And
now I was exactly where I began-GROUND ZERO. And I realized that if I kept
preparing myself to enjoy it, I’ll be thinking the same tomorrow, day after
tomorrow and even the day after that. Maybe I am not ready to miss all of it
again. Maybe I was not ready to fill my emptiness with void spaces anymore. Maybe
I was not afraid anymore. Maybe I was growing up. Maybe I was growing my own
wings.
When we stop living for the sake of
it and actual start “breathing life”, are we really alive.”Life is full of
life”, I’ve read somewhere, so I set out to live that life in my life. So-“CHAPTER
1: <A LOUD SELF TALK>” ;)
THE BEGINNING.
CHAPTER 2: ALIS VOLAT
PROPRIIS... (Aka.SHE FLIES WITH HER OWN WINGS).. ;)
