THE CYCLE OF LIFE

Fusion. Knowledge. A new family member.Hope. waiting. Arrival. The gasp of breath. The first cry. Smiles.happiness.Sleep.the first ray of light. The name. The Vulnerable Infant…………………..

Questions. Doubts.wonders. Touch. See. Perceive.feel.experince.learn.first day at school.afraid. another tear. Restless. Impatient.toys. colours. Games. Play.toffies.fascination. run. Fight.mud. soil. Naughtiness.Innocence………….The Innocent Child………………

School.studies.copying.boys-vs-girls.love.breakups.life.enjoy.cool-hot.low-waist pants.high heel shoes. Fashion.first strands of moustache. Hidden magazines. Gadjet.fb.chat. hangout.bikes. skype. Mobiles. Day-dreaming.shopping.night-outs.innumerable first experience.sleeping.different  hair styles. eating.books. reading.passiopns. dreams.friends. para s . laughter. The glowing adolescence……………………

Job. Salary.freedom.bachelors. relations. Bose.Love-making. Love breaking. Dreams. Plans. Work.tired. mature. Anger. Frustration……………..The Making Of The Man…………………………..

Marriage. responsibilities. Fusion………knowledge……………….hope…….waiting………….children.the donkey games.the cleaning and helpings.wait for the first word mama……………………………………pocket money.their needs, complaints., joy, smile………………the first white hair. Dye…………………The Family Man………………………………….

Retirement.grandchildren,pension.dependent.burden. the silent prayer. belief. Faith.hope.help. helpless.illness.pain.medicines.numbered days.the will……………..then, sudden blackout.white walls.hospital.bed.nurse.hours.weeks.days.months.pain.another tear. Cry.the last struggle…………….guests. visits.relatives, stranger.faces. memories.self-preparation.goodbyes.…………………one fine day.the sudden pain.the knowledge.surrender.the bright light.no more pain.lightness. buried.the first grains of mud…Peace…………………………The Dead Body………………

One cycle ends, the others continue………………………..

......BUT i see a goodness in you, that i dont see in others, and that maybe others dont see in you....................

LETTERS FROM A FATHER TO DAUGHTER............

“Tanya, there’s a letter for you…………..”

Letter? For me?who on earth would be writting a letter, that to me ?jeru? deepika?  Tia? Who could be it be? No.they are all probably too busy to write to me. I took the letter in my hand . A smile spread across my face…I knew.the neatly placed stamp still had its freshness, from his rare collections..  and the address, printed out and pasted. No one could have done that other than just one person-Papa.he  was a perfectionist. I carefully tore open the letter ,like a child afraid to spill the unknown treasure inside…………….

I took out the neatly folded paper.( His handwriting had made it almost impossible for me to make  out heads and tails out of it.i never mentioned it to him, but I guess he eventually figured that one out, when I started  replying  on topics rarely related to his. He switched to printing his letter. :D )my heart filled with joy as I read through his piece. I’d call it a piece, each letter a message, a piece of encouragement, hope for better, promise of a brighter future, and support above all………..

all through my 11^th and 12^th,  whenever I’ve felt like just throwing away those piles of entrance books and running away like a maniac(seen that scene in MANICHITRATAZHU, where shobana runs during the exam, loved that part!! ), his letter would arrive unexpectedly  and give me a new rainbow of hope. I’ve always loved letters, especially his letters.the feeling of getting a letter in your own address, the rare smell of the paper , glue & stamp, the unique beauty of each handwriting,his rare collection of stamps and the small reminder after each letter.-“ps: tanu, don’t throw away the stamp :).”, and a caricature of us,……. writing and reading a letter had a beauty in itself, that has been killed by e-mails, sms and  phone calls of this gen..   

i placed the letter carefully,preserved, with the others which  I’ve received  over these two years…this would probably be the last one. I was going back home…..it had been two years but papa was the same. His letters were a proof of that. THANK YOU, PAPA………………….

PLZ DONT..............OR.........DO

Don’t love me, I may not reciprocate your way,

I’ll hurt you, feeling nothing but the same.

Don’t hate me, it wont change me at all,

worsening me, making me a rock.

Don’t suffocate me, I’ll run away,

Frightened to hope, I may never come back this way.

Don’t discuss me, I’l be disgusted.

Conscious all the  time, I’l be dejected.

Don’t expect from me, ur always be sad,

Knowing ur expectations, I might never do that.

Don’t  respect me, I’m not that great,

Make me feel home, not another state.

Don’t glorify me, I’ll be too happy,

For others, I’ll be too busy.

Don’t kill me, I’ll never feel the pain,

A death, then I’l die, with a smile on my face….

But no matter what you do,

Don’t stop doing all the same…….. :)

AND HE STILL WISHES.............

He wished he could fly,

He wished he could cry.

He wished he could feel,

The joy not inside .

He wished he could weep,

And let it all be.

He wished he could run away,

And just never see.

He wished they’d see,

What’s becoming of him.

He wished they’d realize ,

This is not what he’s meant to be.

He wished he could laugh,

And not cry deep inside.

He wished he would not,

Fake another smile.

He wished he would ,“not live,

This lie called ME”.

He wished it would not hurt,

To live and die.

He wished he could shout,

And let it all out.

He wished he could turn it,

Into a cry never cried.

He hates this pain, he hates this lie.

He hated this numbness, that’s killing his life.

He wished he could be,

Just the simple him.

He wished, “in the mirror,

I’d just see me……………”

WHO SAYS.........

some say i'm too crazy, too excited to be alive
others say i'm an aunty, an elderly person inside

some call me funny, laughing at every stupidity
others call me serious, hard to its extrimity

some say i'm good, an easy-go-lucky nature.
others say i'm a hitler. a born commander.

some say i'm too silent. "ur silence kills the rest"
others say i blabber "will you give your tongue some rest"

some say i'm confusing
others say i'm an open book
some say i'm outgoing
others say i'm an introvert.

some say i'm stupid, living life my own way.
others say i'm brave, learning with each new wave.

but there a part of me
that rarely others see.
in the end all i know is
i'm just the person called me..... 

why do we cry when we feel happy

why do we hurt the people we love

why do we get confused when its the clearest

why misunderstood that, understood the most......

THE LOUDEST SILENCE

the world keeps waiting,
and me, wasting.
change. it never comes.
choose me, not just that.

complains in the air.
frustrations everywhere.
"come forward". do none.
scared to reveal the inner one.

but we need to speak.
raise your voice.
we need to break.
 the silent noise.

the voice of the heart.
that speaks the truth.
the voice that knows.
afraid to face the real you.

dead inside
living only outside
we-the breathing dead
or are we, threatened?

the loudest silence
 let speak for itself
violence never a way out
but the silent silence kills the sound

the loudest silence
the power of above
seldom used, but
when used speaks for all.

READ.with the heart of our mind....

SEE.the truth unsaid
PERCEIVE.the gift of vision.
FEEL.the wind's touch.
LAUGH.hearts open....

SPEAK.the me inside.
LISTEN.the rhythm of life.
WALK.the path untaken.
CRY.the joy till i die.

YELLOW.the bright burning sun.
LIGHT.the rays of fun.
HEAT.the fire deep within.
ASHES.all dats left of me....

PROMISE.a lie to the self.
SMILE.a mask uncovered.
SWIFT.the beat of my heart.
SURPRISED.i live by............

PENDULUM

my life's a pendulum

swinging between emotions

people and realtions

my life is a pendulum

my life is a pendulum

eager to move forward

to fly as high as it could

but never will it understand

no matter how high it'll reach

at last we'r all back to were we stood.

my life is a pendulum

people rock it.move it.

my life is a pendulum

full of ups and downs

success followed by failure

and failure by its sucess

just as a slope after a valley

my life is a pendulum

even after it knows the truth

never stops swinging will it.

after each failure it rises

trying hard to rise higher

and even in the end if i fail

i'll say with pride , i tried.

my life......just like a pendulum