The Judas Kiss

These words won’t rhyme.

Nor will they fall in a prose.

But I’ll write from my soul,

‘Cause tonight nothing matters more.

You know what I’m coming to,

 But don’t you worry, my love.

You know I couldn’t possibly hurt you,

 ‘Cause in the end it’s to each other we belong.

And I’ll be fine, I’ll be good.

To react I’m just too numb.

And now I live with these voices screaming inside me:

“ Girl ! Oh girl! You were just so dumb”

And even when I say ,” I’m fine. I’ll be here”.

Sleep just won’t come at night,

‘Cause there are dreams I dare not dream,

While I continue to pretend I’m sleeping fine.

But the truth is, it eats me from inside;

To know all those words were all a lie.

To think that the best part of my life,

Was being shared in another bed another night.

So, Does she kiss you better than me?

Passionate enough, would you say?

Did you like the touch of her skin against yours body?

Does she put you to sleep on her lap stroking your head?

Does she know you talk in your dream?

That you don’t sleep with your eyes shut tight?

Does she love your scars like I do?

Does she know it tickles you down the spine?

Was she careful enough not to hurt you?

Did she, Did she treat you well?

And when her fingers slipped through your hair, did you;

Did you for even a sec, wish I was there?

But I can cry no more.

And pain is just too easy to fear.

And now I walk in this rain alone.

Pretending these drops were my tears real.

 Now some days the shower runs a little longer.

And just some nights I hug the pillow a little tight.

Some morning I still pretend I’m sleeping a little deeper-

-to let the tears dry from previous night.

And still sometimes I’ll find myself,

Too weak pretending those images weren’t real.

But I can’t help but cry when I find your name,

Among the very few things that I still hope for in my prayer.

But don’t you worry about me, my dear.

I’ll be fine, just need a few quick years.

 ‘Cause it’s for a girl to despise her man,

But for a wife to forgive hers.